Let me dust off my blog and finally update it. Unfortunately, I had a BAD flare-up that lasted for about 7 days. I started to be able to see yesterday and today has been shaky. So, I have not been able to read let alone really write much of anything. To add to the drama, I missed an entire week of school. I can honestly say, I’m nervous and I have no idea how I’m going to make up all of the work that I missed. I notified the disability office so we shall see tomorrow. I’m trying not to freak out but I definitely don’t want to leave a bad taste in any of my professor’s mouths. *sigh* Vision and mobility are pretty key to quality of life. I so badly want to not have to deal with all of this but this is my life now. I’ve got to figure out a good system for this with DSP. Wish me luck tomorrow!
One of my doctor’s made me promise to leave my apartment yesterday and do something fun no matter how much pain and vision impairment I still had. I’m glad that I met friends for lunch and did a modified version of watching my university get stomped in FB. I did have to heavily drug myself to function, but it was a nice distraction for part of the day. I’m just so scared to let people into my crazy medical life. I don’t want people to make me out to be a flake but I kind of have very little control at this point on when I’ll wake up and not be able to see much of anything. Or much worse not being able to walk or use my hands. My concentration and mind was so foggy this past week, I just wanted to do nothing but cry. My current meds aren’t controlling anything and there is no real pain relief. I don’t like taking pain relievers anyways because they’re addictive and they do nothing but sort of mask the pain. Often times I feel as if I have to make a decision to try to muddle through suffering or bend my beliefs.
For the moment my posts may not make sense and I’m not going to really edit them until I’m feeling better but I just had to put this out there in the cloud. I am fortunate to have medical insurance. I have people who truly love me like they are my family. And yet, there are times that I feel completely and utterly alone. I have so much trouble explaining what I’ve gone through and what I’m going through to people. I don’t want anyone to pity me and I don’t want to throw a pity party for myself. It’s tough to find that balance of allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling and wallowing in those emotions.